Real Talk with Hortencia
"Life can still be beautiful, meaningful, fun, and fulfilling even if things don't turn out the way you planned."
~ Lori Deschene
~ Lori Deschene
from problem to solution
The secret of change is to focus all your energy not on fighting the old,
but on building the new.”
So here we go again - new year, new goals, and many “this year is going to be different” statements. What sucks about this is that, for most of us, it’s not going to be different because we don’t know how to do “different.” We want a different outcome but we go through the same motions. We want to hear a different answer but we continue to ask the same question. As if we’re standing in front of an apple tree and get pissed or hurt because we can’t find oranges on the apple tree in front of us - what the heck it wrong with this picture?!
BUT, what if this year we focus on learning how to move from the problem to the solution. Hear me out, recently a very good friend of mine gathered a group of us for dinner and drinks. When the food was brought out the server didn’t have my plate, long story short, an hour and a half later my food still hadn’t been brought out. By this time, I’m hangry and some in the group had already finished eating. As I’m sitting there I’m thinking what are my options? Well, I had the option of going to confront the server and/or the manager but this wouldn’t guarantee my burger would have been brought out any faster and it had the potential of changing the mood of the night OR the restaurant was offering a pasta bar and I could switch my order and have pasta instead of my original order. The server was nowhere to be found so I got up and found my way to the pasta bar (from problem to solution) as I was enjoying my pasta the restaurant manager brought out my burger, I informed him I didn’t want it anymore and he offered to box it for me. By the end of the night I had enjoyed delicious pasta, had a burger and fries to go, and my meal had been comped - not a bad deal. What I’m saying is, when we get stuck in the problem it’s difficult to find a solution and often times, like the great Albert Einstein said, “… we do the same thing over and over and expect a different result.”
If we want a different result, maybe, after acknowledging the problem we need to be able to make a conscious decision to move from problem to solution. I admit, this is easier said than done but it can be done. With a little bit of help, or a lot if your anything like me, we can learn how to identify thoughts that influence our behavior and our feelings which in turn influences what comes out of our mouth.
If you're looking for change and you're having a hard time doing it on your own - reach out for help because this might be where the change you’re looking for starts.
Hortencia Diaz, LMFT
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