Real Talk with Hortencia
"Life can still be beautiful, meaningful, fun, and fulfilling even if things don't turn out the way you planned."
~ Lori Deschene
~ Lori Deschene
Why is it that I know I have more things to be grateful for than things to be unhappy about but yet feeling “blue” seems to overshadow every other feeling I could be experiencing? Falling into this blaah feeling is easy and it happens effortlessly, I hate it, and getting out of it takes work, which sucks. It should be as easy to get out of the “blue” feeling as it is to fall into it. But anyway, if you do find yourself feeling “off” there are some things you can do to fight off this feeling, it’s not easy, but it can be done. For instance, I can say that I allowed a petty disagreement with my husband to bother me longer than was necessary. When I realized why I was feeling down I took a trip down memory lane and thought of all the good times we’ve recently had. I thought of the dorky thing he said that made me laugh, I thought of the nice things he does for me, and I remembered that we don’t always have to agree, a healthy relationship also has disagreements. Before I knew it, I was feeling better and I was able to get work done. The thing to remember is, during the holidays it’s more common to feel “off” and not know why we’re feeling this way. If you find yourself feeling “off” try keeping a log of how you’ve been feeling, has it been a day, a few days or even weeks? Also, try to do things you enjoy, things that make you feel happy or at least “OK”. And finally, if you simply can’t kick that ugly feeling, consider getting professional help. Remember – life doesn’t have to be crumbling into a million pieces to speak to a professional, sometimes just feeling “off” is a good enough reason.
There’s this thing called the “All or Nothing Mentality.” Seems pretty harmless at first, but let’s really dig into this type of thinking.
If this “All or Nothing Mentality” is applied to relationships, any type of relationship, it has the potential to, at best damage and at worst destroy the relationship. I think it’s pretty safe to say that we’ve all, at some point in our lives, heard the expression: “If you love me then you won’t … (you fill in the blank).” Personally, when I’ve heard this said to me I’ve rolled my eyes so far back into my head that I swear I’ve gotten a glimpse of my brain and the only thing the other person got from me was the best of my sarcasm. This phrase implies that if the other person does whatever is being discussed then they must not love you, but come on now, is this completely true? This is an absolute state of mind, it’s either black or white, no compromise, also not cool. But if this mentality has worked for you then don’t change a thing. However, if thinking this way hasn’t gotten you the results you’ve been looking for then come with me to the “gray” side.
Being in the “gray” side doesn’t mean that because I’m willing to hear you out and have a conversation with you about something that we don’t necessarily agree on that I’m weak or that I’m a push-over. It simply means that I’m going to respect your point of view and hopefully we can come to some type of understanding through compromise and negotiation. And if we can’t come to an understanding – then I’ve just learned something about you that you feel really passionate about.
Hortencia Diaz, LMFT
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