How to Survive the Empty Nest
When a couple struggles through the experience of their children moving out, it’s not a specific diagnosis. What they’re enduring involves a dizzying array of emotions that stir up old triggers while creating new ones. Such parents can feel proud of their kids while also seriously missing them. They can be relieved that some degree of responsibility has been eased, yet feel intense guilt for even entertaining such a thought.
You may feel less like a full-time parent, but now, you face the sudden reality of reconnecting with your partner in an entirely new way. There’s no rulebook for this paradoxical scenario, but there are more than a few tried and true steps to consider.
How Do You Know If You Have Empty Nest Syndrome?
The initial tell-tales might be pretty obvious. You may feel yourself sliding into a blend of anxiety and depression. The anxious thoughts will probably center on concern about your children’s welfare. They’re out from under your wing, and while it’s exciting, it can also be nerve-racking.
At the same time, there is some grief. Empty nest syndrome is a form of loss. Your children will never be youngsters again. The memories you’ve created together in your home are being replaced by new ways of interacting and being. This can, of course, make anyone feel sad and depressed at times.
Other Possible Red Flags
After years or even decades of living primarily as a parent, you may lose a sense of purpose and identity.
Marital issues that went unexplored while tending to your kids’ needs are now front and center.
A strong sense of abandonment and loss
Replaying the past and lingering on regrets about your parenting life
A shift of this magnitude is not to be taken lightly. Fortunately, it’s not too late to learn new skills and coping mechanisms.
How to Survive the Empty Nest
Don’t leave communication and boundaries to chance. Your kids will want autonomy, but you’ll want to know how they’re doing. Talk openly to set some basic ground rules for everyone involved. It will require some trial and error, but it’s well worth the time and effort. However, there’s more to empty nest syndrome than a new phase of parenting. It’s a golden opportunity to reimagine your life.
Make Yourself a Priority
Create and stick to a daily self-care regimen
Try new interests and set new goals
Rearrange your living space
Stretch yourself beyond the identity of “Mom” or “Dad” — who do you want to be now?
Revive and reinvent your romantic life
Make new friends
Reconnect with old friends
Take advantage of opportunities to be more spontaneous
You’ll miss making lunch for the kids and cheering at their soccer matches. However, think of all you can do now that you’ve entered a new phase of life. Suddenly, you can see yourself alternating between time spent with your grown children and time exploring this new version of you.
The Empty Nest Can Be More Than You Can Initially Handle
Being a parent, for some, is the role of their life. Therefore, this transition can feel heavy. It seems like reality has collapsed when parenthood is the primary focus of every single day. This is when it’s ideal to consider grief therapy. To process loss often requires the support of a seasoned professional guide. Your therapy sessions can be where you learn to view the rest of your life with expectancy and excitement.
If you’re a recent or longer-term empty nester, it’s only natural that you may need some support. I invite you to reach out to set up a free and confidential consultation soon.
