Real Talk with Hortencia
"Life can still be beautiful, meaningful, fun, and fulfilling even if things don't turn out the way you planned."
~ Lori Deschene
~ Lori Deschene
My Best Imperfect Self
A friend gifted me a book by Brene Brown, “Braving the Wilderness.” It quickly became one of those books I became addicted and obsessed with and she became a researcher I’m currently obsessing over. Brene’s work is like that one missing puzzle piece of life. Personally, I can say I’ve overcome some intense stuff in life but there’s always that one nagging things I just couldn’t put my finger on. I’ve always claimed to be an introvert but I’m discovering that there’s a difference between being an introvert and that ugly feeling of not feeling good enough, smart enough, liked enough. It’s weird, because if I look back at myself in social settings, I don’t look like I’m struggling to belong but if you could hear my thoughts you would be able to hear the negative and insecure whispers that take place in my head.
Brene has compiled, through years of research, this amazing definition of belonging:
“Belonging is the innate human desire to be part of something larger than us. Because this yearning is so primal, we often try to acquire it by fitting in and by seeking approval, which are not only hollow substitutes for belonging, but often barriers to it. Because true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance.”
It’s the last part of the definition that keeps playing in my head – it’s common sense! I am imperfect! Not that this is news to me, but it’s taking on a completely new meaning. I am perfect precisely because I am imperfect, because we are all imperfect, because life is imperfect! The mistakes I’ve made in life are not a sing of stupidity or me being an awkward person or because there’s something wrong with me. The choices that I’ve made in life are because at that moment in time it was the best that I knew to do…but that’s material for a future post. What I’ve discovered is that if I can be brave enough to present the imperfect me then I present the transparent me the real me and in doing this I learn to accept and love myself for all my imperfections and qualities.
I invite you to be vulnerable and imperfect … it’s not as bad as it sounds – it’s actually transforming.
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Hortencia Diaz, LMFT
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