Processing the Grief of Chronic Illness
When contemplating the concept of grief, it is almost universally applied to situations involving the death of a loved one. While this is a common cause for mourning, it’s only one of the many reasons for bereavement. People grieve when something ends, e.g., a relationship, a job, time spent in a particular geographical area, etc. Mourning can also occur for what may appear as abstract reasons, like one’s loss of their youth or innocence.
Those who live with a chronic illness also experience a particular type of grief. One way of life has seemingly ended, and this can provoke a deep sense of loss. How you process this grief can go a long way in helping you manage the illness itself.
What Are People with a Chronic Illness Grieving?
Identifying the source of grief begins with identifying the presence of grief. There is so much going on related to the illness itself that it gets lost that you’re feeling despondent and even hopeless. Working with a grief specialist is a proven method for identifying and understanding your emotions and then recognizing the root causes.
Most typically, someone with a chronic illness is grieving a series of losses, and they may include:
Identity
We may stand tall in our status, our career, our hobbies, and more. We’re neighbors, parents, citizens, co-workers, and coaches. The list goes on, but that list can feel like it’s come to a grinding halt when chronic illness emerges. To become unable to participate in life’s rich tapestry fully can make you feel you’ve lost your sense of identity.
Work and/or School Goals
Everyone has goals. When you feel you can no longer attain your dreams, it can result in deep mourning. When those goals involve a community of people, you may also feel like you’ve lost them, too.
Personal Connections
Speaking of personal connections (see above), humans crave shared experiences. If your illness limits such interactions, it is as deep a loss as anything we know.
A Potential Future
All of the above are tricky, to say the least. But how does one grieve a potential future? One day, you have a five-year plan. The next day, everything is on hold.
Processing the Grief of Chronic Illness
No one can say for sure how a chronic illness will play out. However, it can provide solace to take steps now to fill the gaps that suddenly feel empty. Feel what you need to feel. Allow yourself to grieve even when it feels like others don’t understand. In fact, joining an online support group will put you in touch with people who know what you are experiencing.
With all that in mind, here is a range of suggestions that can help shift your mindset from solely focusing on what you’ve lost:
Practice daily self-care and diligently follow your treatment protocols.
Connect with a therapist to help you process grief just as you would if there were a death in your family.
Seek out life modifications that are doable but not overly limiting.
If travel is out of the picture, try online courses about destinations you haven’t yet experienced.
Lean into what identity of yours that you feel you can offer the most energy.
This could be the ideal time to ramp up your spiritual life.
Take courses in areas in which you can realistically learn and grow.
Look for work that offers options like flexible hours or work-from-home.
If the illness causes you to miss an event, do your best to immediately schedule something else to look forward to.
Again, counseling for grief can be the bridge you need to step into a different but still enriching life. Let’s connect and talk soon.
